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Tri-Grip Thief Strikes in Florida….

Apr 12

In News at 6:36am

david-ziser-mug-shot

According to police reports stemming from the well attended NAPP (National Association of PhotoShop Professionals) Convention in Orlando, Florida, this man, David Ziser, shown above, has allegedly not returned a  Tri-grip “borrowed” during the event to its’ rightful owner. The owner has duly reported it to authorities as theft. Ziser, a well known wedding photographer from the little town of Edgewood, Ky., has apparently left Florida.

Joe McNally, the owner and operator of the tri-grip, was too emotionally distraught to speak directly with reporters, and simply offered this statement via an intermediary. “I have a few of them, but that one was my favorite. I used it to fan Michelle Pfeiffer. The gold reflective side still had baby oil on it from a Maxim shoot. I mean, I could get another, but honestly, I feel like some of my memories have been torn away.”

Drew Gurian, who is, according to police, “close to the situation,” spoke with the crush of media outside Orlando Police Headquarters. “I really sympathize with Joe, frankly. This is no small thing. He loved that tri-grip. He made some of his best pictures with it. There was this time, during an annual report for a band camp, he used diffusion to take the edge off the highlight on a tuba hoop. It was a moment that the job could have gone either way. And Joe saved it with that move, and that tri-grip.”

Back in the individual’s home town, people are coming forward. Neighbor Betsy Loopenwhopper stated flatly, “I knew all that squeaky clean, Mr. Nice Guy Wedding Photog stuff was too good to be true. There was something off. I mean, anybody who actually cuts the grass wearing a suit and tie is just flat out weird.”

Some feel it is a marketing ploy, plain and simple. Ziser, originator of the popular “Zumbrella” light shaping tool, may have economic goals in mind.

“Definitely, ” said RC Concepcion, who claims to know both parties. “He thinks that if he deprives Joe of his Tri-.grip, Joe will have to resort to a Zumbrella on his next job. I don’t see that happening, but it might.”

Likewise, Scott Kelby, President of NAPP, said, “A few weeks back, we had a couple of strobes, and some spot grids go missing from NAPP’s photo studio. David hadn’t been there in a while, and nobody actually saw him with the strobes, but…you just kinda knew it was him. He’s slippery like that.”

Ziser and his wife LaDawn, whom authorities have described as a “person of interest,” have yet to surface. Unconfirmed reports indicate they are in Mexico, where one of the poolside attendants at an unnamed luxury resort described a woman matching LaDawn Ziser’s description cooling her self with a “extremely large and unusual fan, gold on one side, white on the other.”

Most, though, feel there is no nefarious intent on the part of Ziser. In fact, some feel he may just be swept up in the euphoria of the success of his new book, Captured by the Light. Dr. Otto Focus, of the PsychoNeurotic Institute for Anxious Photographers (a division of the PsychoNeurotic Institute for the Very, Very Nervous) feels this is unquestionably the case. “Mr. Ziser says it himself, in the title of the book. ‘ He is “captured by the light.’ He obviously feels that he has this kinship with light, a direct line of communication to all things luminous. This will pass.”

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Meanwhile, McNally remains in Connecticut, hoping Ziser will reach out to him. “Maybe if he sent me, like, a dozen zumbrellas. I’d feel better.” More tk….


106 Responses to “Tri-Grip Thief Strikes in Florida….”

Helene of OHK Photos says:

on April 24, 2010 at 1:32 pm

I love this post! I’ve read all of Joe’s books and just finished David’s. Have learned so much from these guys! Just love all of them!

Nicole Roberts says:

on April 29, 2010 at 11:32 am

Absolutely hilarious.

soegemaskineoptimering says:

on June 12, 2010 at 6:37 am

Hey, I think your article is very interesting. I found it via Bing. Will bookmark and come back soon

Sean McNamara says:

on January 13, 2011 at 12:56 am

Well done; mission accomplished. Picked up a pair of Zumbrella’s for an upcoming event. ;-)

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